A Letter of Support from Someone Who’s Been There

Dear Berkeley Heights Youth of Color, 

I’ve called the town of Berkeley Heights home for my entire life and it holds a special place in my heart.  We’ve been good for each other.  It has given me a great high school education; I’ve used this education to bolster its academic stats as a National AP Scholar.  It has given me a sports team; I’ve given it high school state championship titles.  It has taught me leadership skills; I am using these skills to speak out and bring attention to unconscious biases in an effort to strengthen race relations in the community.  Before I leave for college, I want to share my thoughts with the minority population of Berkeley Heights on thriving emotionally in our community. 

"For our town, the issue of racism shows itself mostly in an unconscious manner, where insensitive comments (sometimes intended to be a compliment) based on media stereotypes are directed at people of color (aka microaggressions)."

Berkeley Heights is representative of a small suburban community in New Jersey, with a population of approximately 13,000 consisting of a demographic makeup of 78.5 percent White, 13.7 percent Asian, 5.4 percent Hispanic or Latino, and 1.7 percent Black. It’s an affluent community, with a median income of $171,417, median property value of approximately $614,000, and a high school graduation rate of 96 percent (US Census Bureau).  In Berkeley Heights, overt racism against the people of color who represent the minority population is not condoned.  In fact, our town hosted a March for Black Lives where a media count of approximately 2,000 people showed up in solidarity.  There were many speakers, both White and Black, including myself, who vowed to do their part to combat racism. For our town, the issue of racism shows itself mostly in an unconscious manner, where insensitive comments (sometimes intended to be a compliment) based on media stereotypes are directed at people of color (aka microaggressions).  This happens quite often, without intended harm, but is painful to be on the receiving end of nonetheless. The subtle racism eats away at our self esteem and can result in depression and anger.  The fact is, racism is entrenched in the world and, even in this time of heightened consciousness, it will be years if not decades before it’s eradicated.  In the meantime, it’s in our own best interest to devise personal tools to minimize its impact on our emotional well-being.

"Don’t let yourself become a victim."

To the youth of color, you will most likely experience some racist slights in our town if you haven’t already.  That is not unique to living in Berkeley Heights. I, as a Black girl, along with the other members of BH Unfiltered who are of African, Caribbean, Asian, and multiracial descent, have personally experienced those racist slights.  Our town is simply a microcosm of suburban communities. Don’t go looking for the insensitive remarks; it’s to your disadvantage to be preoccupied with the constant thought of racism while others are free to focus on living their lives.  It would be ideal for the schools and religious institutions to teach about racial microaggressions and provide all the students, majority as well as minority, tools to combat it.  In this absence, prepare for the eventuality of being subject to racial insensitivities by arming yourself with well thought out responses to the insults.  It would educate the perpetrator (or at least make them aware of your intolerance of ignorance) and empower you.  When you’re unprepared, you either don’t respond or respond with hostility and end up unhappy with yourself.  Don’t let yourself become a victim.  Below is a short list of examples of common racist slights that we’ve heard on numerous occasions along with possible responses.

Slight #1:  “You’re not Black (or a person of color), you’re basically White” or “you’re one of the good ones.”  The insinuation is because you grew up in this predominantly White community and don’t act in the manner in which Black people are portrayed in the media, you lack blackness (or your ethnic background). Additionally, claiming you’re one of the good ones is a statement of overt racism, suggesting that because you act differently from the media’s portrayal of Black people and more closely to what they think is “proper behavior”, you are better than the rest of your people.

Response:  I’m Black and I’m proud of it!  I’m Black now, and I’ll always be Black.  When I go into stores and I’m followed, I’m Black.  When I run through the streets with a hood on my head, I’m aware of my blackness.  I have certain privileges gained from living in Berkeley Heights, but they don’t make me better than other Black people and they don’t make me White.  I’m grateful to all the “bad” Black people who got into “good trouble”, as the late Congressman and Civil Rights leader John Lewis put it, to pave the way to afford me the privileges I have. 

Slight #2:  “You have an advantage to get into an elite college because you’re Black.”  The judgment is Black people are unfairly taking away something that rightfully belongs to a White person.  This is said to discredit your work.

Response:  When I’m admitted to a university, it’s because I have something of value to offer to an incoming class that is strategically diversified by a number of factors. The number of Black students at selective universities wouldn’t be allowed to get to a critical mass. The fact is White people are advantaged in college admissions in so many ways, including legacy preferences and athletic recruitment in sports that are unavailable to low income people.  Black people as a group are largely disadvantaged in the college admissions process because of the systemic unequal education opportunities that are imposed upon predominantly Black communities.  

Slight #3: “You are an accomplished athlete because you’re a natural.”  The perception is that Black people have brawn but lack brains.

Response:  I’m an accomplished athlete because I work hard and smart.  Don’t discredit my hard work by calling me a natural.  I’m disciplined in my training by putting in a lot of time and effort as well as by being tactical. 

Slight #4:  “You speak so eloquently.”  It’s internalized that people of color aren’t expected to do so.

Response:  I put a lot of thought into my ideas; I hope you listened to the point that I was making.  It would be more complimentary if you had considered my thoughts worthy of being listened to rather than the fact that I use proper grammar and have a broad vocabulary. 

There are many more slights for which you can prepare responses. It’s important to get your parents’ input on how to respond. It’s better to have our parents help us avert a hurtful experience than to involve them after the fact when they are upset that we’ve been insulted. 

"For them, it would be an inconvenience to make an effort to watch what they say."

No doubt, some people making the slights will be caught off guard by your responses and think you are overreacting or too sensitive. For them, it would be an inconvenience to make an effort to watch what they say. They aren’t concerned about understanding how their statements threaten your identity. In preparing your responses to these and other slights, you’re deciding to protect your identity and not to be victimized by racist microaggressions. Moreover, your response would provide one of the multi-faceted approaches to combating racism. 

"Be your best self and let your work and words exemplify all that people of color can be when they have the opportunities that others have fought and died to afford you."

To become more effective, take the time to educate yourself on your cultural history.  You can start with the list of suggestions we have here.  In addition, take advantage of school assignments to deepen your knowledge and understanding on the topic.  Use summer readings to indulge yourself with the rich contributions people of color have made toward building the United States.  Actively work on boosting your emotional intelligence; don’t rely on others to do that for you.  Especially since deep conversations about race and racism are not common in the town, many people don’t know better than what they see in the media. Depending on those same people to be empathetic could leave you disappointed.  Radiate in your knowledge and enthusiastically share it with your schoolmates.  Your pride could be infectious and will most definitely make you feel better about yourself.  Be your best self and let your work and words exemplify all that people of color can be when they have the opportunities that others have fought and died to afford you.  That’s an important way to honor our civil rights heroes. When it’s your time to move on from Berkeley Heights, it would be fulfilling to be able to exclaim, “We have been good for each other.”  

Yours truly,

Victoria Vanriele

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